This was not a topic I ever planned or imagined I would have to write about. But with grave sadness after the past week in Türkiye where two devastating 7.7 and 7.6 earthquakes rattled the country’s southeast in what is being referred to as the greatest natural disaster of the century, many of us in Türkiye are now tasked with organizing or attending the funerals of our loved ones.
This week, I also had to attend the funeral of a loved one, buried alive way too young in the rubble of a building in the southern province of Hatay. She had gone to bury her own grandmother when she fell prey to her own tragic fate of being in the wrong place at the worst time. One of the brightest and most beautiful people I had ever met, she was the type of person who shines their light on everyone they come into contact with. It is so hard to comprehend why she and so many others had to succumb to such a dark fate.
Anyways, I don’t mean to wax poetic as the whole country has people they have loved and lost. What we need to do now is appreciate the people we still have in life and send off those no longer with us with the utmost respect. And so, I want to explain some customs surrounding funeral ceremonies in Türkiye.
In normal circumstances, funerals take place fast in Türkiye and in most cases within a matter of a day or two. The deceased will be transported in a special vehicle and taken to a hospital morgue and from there to the mosque and then the cemetery to be buried. The family has the choice of where their belated loved one will be buried and the municipalities assist in the details such as transporting the deceased, which in this case was across the country.
Municipalities will also help organize private bus transportation for funeral attendees arriving from a particular town, such as in our case from Istanbul to Muğla.
Funerals are generally held following the noon or afternoon prayer ceremony. The body of the deceased is prepared for the afterlife in a special washing ceremony, which can be attended to and observed by close relatives. In the courtyards of mosques, there will be a "musalla taşı," which is a table-shaped stone where the coffin is placed for the prayer ceremony. This special prayer can be attended by men and women, however, according to tradition, the latter tend to stand in the back of the procession and also customarily don headscarves. Sometimes the cemetery is in close enough proximity that the coffin is carried by funeral attendees or passed over in a procession. Other times, the telltale green-accented morgue truck will transport the coffin to the burial site.
While some cemeteries in urban areas are understandably in high demand, in rural villages many times the deceased’s loved ones have the luxury of selecting the burial site. The head of the deceased is supposed to face Qibla, the direction towards the Kaaba in the Mecca. The body of the deceased is wrapped in a special shroud referred to as a “kefen” in Turkish and in most cases, people are not actually buried in the coffin they are placed in for the prayer ceremony. Instead, they are placed into the ground in the shroud.
The site is only dug up when the body arrives at the cemetery along with the funeral attendees. It is a somber experience with prayers being read and occasionally close ones breaking down emotionally. It is customary to offer condolences to others at the service by saying “başınız sağolsun,” which in English translates into “health to your head."
People will also offer condolences by saying “başımız sağolsun," which then means “health to all of our heads.” It is also tradition for a photograph of the deceased to be passed out amongst attendees, who will then pin the photo onto their lapel.
A “çelenk” is a wreath of flowers that is sent to the cemetery by individuals or businesses in honor of the deceased. Carnations also tend to be the flower of choice. At our funeral, this week we also brought loose and potted flowers to adorn the burial site of our beloved. During the burial ceremony, attendees watch as the cemetery’s attendants or the deceased’s loved ones shovel soil to fill the burial plot. While on the day of the burial, the site resembles a mound of soil, in the weeks to come that soil will settle and then a proper tombstone and grave made from marble will adorn the site.
It is also customary to share a snack or meal amongst funeral attendees and especially those close to the belated. Being together even after the burial is also an integral part of the process. Unsurprisingly, Turks tend to be quite Stoic and don’t overdramatize but simply stay together in solidarity and respect for the special life of a loved one lost. There is also a custom of the core family related to the belated to not prepare meals in the home for a week as neighbors and friends will provide them with meals during this difficult time.
Friends, relatives and acquaintances will also visit the home of the family of the deceased to pay their respects throughout this week. Then, come the 40th day after another special prayer ceremony is held and attended by those close to the belated in a final ushering off of their loved one to the afterlife.
