The way Turks treat their children is one of the biggest points of divergence between Western and Eastern cultures and thus also couples of mixed heritage, sentiments to which many expats married to Turks can attest. But even for visiting foreigners, certain particularities may seem strikingly different from their reason or logic. It is these differences that I want to shed light on that, in a very general sense, can provide insight into who Turkish children become, which, for the most part, is resilient, confident, happy-go-lucky and family-oriented.
Turks grow up in a community: That saying, “It takes a village,” can easily be applied to the Turkish mindset when raising children. In many cases, nuclear family members such as siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents will make themselves available to help take all the pressure off the mother and father in raising the children. Babysitting, as in paying a random someone to watch your child, is nearly nonexistent in Türkiye and certainly unheard of in the more rural village settings.
People pitch in their time and energy as per the Turkish concept of "Imece," which means lending a helping hand simply for the sake of it. Have you ever noticed how comfortable Turks of all ages, men and women, are all very comfortable holding babies? This is because they have done so for the members of their community throughout their lives.
Their basic needs are met: Many, if not most, Turks are born in towns where their families live in village houses on their own land. This means for many, they grow up knowing they will always have a roof over their head. Similar to the concept of babysitting not being prevalent here, nor is the notion of elderly homes as people tend to choose to grow old amongst their relatives, neighbors and community.
This sense of having a hometown to return to in dire streets is part of the reason homelessness is nearly nonexistent in Türkiye. Couple the confidence derived from the comfort of knowing you always have a home and community with the fact that health care is easily accessible for most everyone, which means that most Türkish children are fortunate enough to grow with a certain sense of security.
They don’t follow strict schedules: Many visitors might have noticed how visible and, dare I say, even rambunctious Turkish children can be, and I am going to plead with you to agree. Turkish children tend to stay up later and enjoy socializing at events rather than be tucked off to bed at a specific time. I believe this leads to two things: the first is that they learn the ability to fall asleep almost anywhere and the second is that they are more resilient in wading through disruptions to their sleep, to guests, or staying over at other people’s houses and otherwise.
They don’t hole up in their rooms: While this may be due to circumstance, many traditional village homes are small and family members tend to comfortably share rooms, which is also why the traditional bed-like sofa seating is also a custom in the rural lifestyle. In many cases, there isn’t that kind of space, so children spend most of their time with their family and relatives of all ages, who tend to come and go at the drop of a hat.
They have real-life Sesame Street: While most everywhere in Türkiye, and especially Turkish villages and towns, are broken down into neighborhoods, in Turkish, “mahalle” The mahalle also tend to have parks, benches, quiet streets, or even a wall where the children of the neighborhoods congregate to play at all hours of the day. Whether they are riding bikes, walking around or chatting, there is always some corner in the community where children can meet up and play, not unlike the older generations do at the town coffee shop or tea garden. There is also the added bonus that it is extremely safe here in these Türkish neighborhoods, as everybody literally knows your name.
Failure to launch is not a thing: In Türkiye, the concept of having to move out of the family home once you become an adult is not something that has ever taken hold. Most offspring can live in their family home for as long as they desire, and many do until they marry. It is only more recently and amongst the urban populations where having a bachelor pad or a home as a single is even desired. In most Türkish homes, whether in their adolescence or adulthood, children are encouraged to live In their family homes, where they share meals, duties and a good life.
Family is everything: What one can easily infer from all of the customs mentioned is that Turks have a strong family bond, which most uphold throughout their lives. Therefore, if you happen to be a foreign spouse, especially if you are a bride, their involvement may seem invasive. However, for them, it is simply a familial duty to pay hospital visits, to coddle newborns and to swaddle them as they see fit, and, of course, to criticize wherever they possibly can. I advise you to take it as constructive and agree to disagree and don’t try to pressure your spouse to push them out the door when they pop over, as it will be impossible for them to ask such things as how long a family member plans to stay.
Certain Western concepts don’t exist: In Turkish, words such as anxiety and panic attacks don’t even exist but have entered the language in recent decades pretty much as is. While these sorts of stress-related concerns are on the rise worldwide, they are still mostly unfamiliar concepts for rural Türkish villagers. Other Western constructs of having chores to do in exchange for money, big distributions of lavish gifts and even celebrating birthdays are customs that don’t exist in Türkiye in the same way they do in the West. Many older generations didn’t even know their birthdays as they were born at a time when birth registries just weren’t made in the same way. We also don’t tend to have concerns about random acts of violence such as mass shootings and homelessness; devastating issues suffered by the West are pretty much nonexistent concepts here.
The bottom line is Turks grew up with multiple generations of family members and in a community where most everyone’s life milestones, such as sending someone off to do military service or, better yet, even marrying them, are celebrated together. Many are born, grow up, live and die together, spending little time alone. They honor their elders, care for the community’s younger members and love babies. And don’t be surprised when people pinch the cheeks of babies, as this is also one of those steadfast Turkish customs that get kids opening up out of their shells.
