This morning the image of a small body lying on the beach is probably engraved on everyone's minds. A Syrian family, desperate to escape, faced tragedy when their boat sank in the Aegean Sea. The parents survived, but the children lost their lives.Why are Syrians taking to the sea, risking everything to get to another country? Many of those taking to the sea are not coming from Syria, but are leaving Turkey in an attempt to get to Europe. What is driving these people to take such great risks?Last week I had the opportunity to see Istanbul through the eyes of people who do not normally live here. One was an adult, and one a 6-year-old child. One from Syria, one from the U.K.The 6-year-old, from the U.K., was impressed by the mosques, by hearing the adhan, or call to prayer. Standing in Üsküdar at the time for noon prayer, she was mesmerized, and did not want to leave. She stood, fascinated by the adhan being recited from one mosque, then from another, then another.She thought the shopping centers, with the rides and games, with the attractions for children were great. She had a wonderful time, as did her mother, who managed to get some shopping in.She enjoyed the parks, especially the exercise equipment put out for people to use to keep fit. This was something she was not used to.However, she was not impressed by the uneven pavements. She stumbled with almost every step. She learned to watch where she was going, because her knees had already been so skinned by falling that she could not afford to fall again. The rough cobblestones in Üsküdar, in Eminönü, kept tripping her up. Cars parked on pavements meant that she had to take to the streets rather than walk on the pavement. The rain meant that her new shoes got muddy, with the mud pouring across where she was supposed to walk. She quickly learned to stand well back from the street when stopping to cross over.She turned to her companion, a 19-year-old girl, and asked "Is safety ever a concern in Istanbul?" The 19-year-old replied "Not really."On her final day she had a chance to run, skip and jump. In Fatih, running down Adnan Menderes Street, where the pavements were wide and smooth, she could run without worry. Her mother, pushing the pushchair with her sibling in it, breathed a sigh of relief. Her arms, worn out from trying to push the younger child over the past two weeks, finally had some rest. Our little friend had a great time as she ran, dodging people, skipping and not worrying about where she was walking.Fatih has good pavements in places, but elsewhere they are much the same as other regions of Istanbul. How wonderful it would be to walk down the street without worrying where you are taking your next step. It can be done. Just go to Adnan Menderes, and you will see that it can be done. But it will take some rethinking on everyone's part. No more parking on the pavement, or at the corners, where the pedestrians' way is blocked.The problem is basically due to a lack of thinking about the details. Pavements are made; but they made with small stones, with cobblestones. They look nice, give grip to cars in the winter. But they play havoc with pedestrians' shoes, ankles, with small kids' knees.How do pavements tie in with Syrians drowning at sea? Again it is a matter of details. Bear with me, and you will see.The other person who showed me a different aspect of Istanbul, one that I have seen, but not for a few years, and one that I would rather forget, is a Syrian friend.She has been in Istanbul for four years. Her story of coming here is a tragic tale. Her family went to visit a relative in Dubai for two weeks. At the end of the stay, she found she could not return to her country, which was being torn apart by war. The family headed for Istanbul. This young woman refused to unpack her suitcase for 18 months; every day she hoped that she would be returning to her homeland, Syria.That is not to say she did not get on with her life. She works hard to help the Syrians, she does what she can to make the lives of others better.But it has not been an easy ride. The neighbor gives the family a hard time, asking when they will return to their country. The other day her neighbor stopped our friend and her mother."Is the reason you don't return to Syria because you don't like Assad?""Yes, it is.""Well, then you should have stayed there and killed him."The lack of sensitivity, the cruel belittling of such a monumental problem shook the family. How could anyone so misunderstand the situation in their country where men, women and children were being tortured and killed every day? They did not choose to come to Istanbul. They found themselves stateless, and thanks to Prime Minister Ahmet Davutoğlu and President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, thanks to the foresight of these men and their humanity, the Syrian refugees were allowed into the country.Unfortunately, allowing them to enter the country, although a great gesture of humanity taken by the leaders of this country, did not solve all the problems for them. Syrians cannot easily get work permits. Without the ability to work, it is very difficult for the Syrian population to establish a normal life.But this is the least of their problems. The real problem stems from a very negative attitude displayed by many residents of Istanbul. Although many people work hard to collect food and clothing for the Syrians, there are many in Istanbul who, rather than welcoming them, have turned on the Syrians, blaming them for every ill. They are to blame for unemployment. They are to blame for high rents. They are to blame for any hitch in the economy.The Syrians are afraid to go to the immigration office; they are afraid that they will be shouted at, put down, humiliated. In the streets they are bullied and shouted at. This fear is also present for them when they go to the hospital.Our friend was walking down the street the other day. Someone looked at her, muttered something (unpleasant) under their breath, and spat at her. In America or in Europe, such an action is punishable by law. But in Turkey she felt she had no legal recourse; she did not feel secure enough to make a complaint to the police.Unfortunately, this is not something we are unfamiliar with. For many years, it was hijabi women who were subjected to such hostility. Perhaps not as much hostility as that shown to the Syrians, but hijabi women would be told to move to Saudi or Iran, we would be harassed and sometimes even spat at.This morning I saw a video about a family who spends millions of dollars every year mounting search and rescue efforts for refugees who are stranded at sea while trying to get to Europe. While the European Union has cut back its resources to help refugees, NGOs have stepped in.The Turkish government has done what it can. It has taken in the people from Syria, it has set up camps for them in the southeast. Refugees who register are given free medical care and education. The government has spent as much as $6.5 million to help the refugees.This is where the Turkish people have to do their share. Syrians' fear of authority is based not on the actual situation in Turkey. In part it is based on their past, and in part it is based on how they are treated on a day to day basis by the man in the street. When parents try to enroll their children in schools the headmaster will quite often make some excuse, such as the Turkish identity card does not give the child the necessary protection, there is no room in the classroom, et cetera. If the child is accepted by the principal, the children in the classroom often make things difficult for the newcomer. As a result when a Syrian child gets into a Turkish school, more often than not, they do not want to stay.It is time for the NGOs in Istanbul to take up the task. Collecting food and equipment is important; but what is really needed now is a shift in public perception. From when the Syrians were first allowed in, the people of Turkey have been told that this is a situation like the Ansars and Muhajir in Medina, when Prophet Muhammad immigrated to the city. The people of Medina opened their doors, their cupboards, everything to the people who were fleeing the oppression of Mecca.In Ottoman history, the residents of Istanbul opened their hearts, cupboards and homes to immigrants. When people fled the Balkans during the Balkan Wars, the people of Istanbul took entire families into their homes. Many took in more than one family. They knew that these people, people who shared their values and beliefs, would make an important contribution to the country. And they have.The Syrians are no different. They come from a similar historical background. We shared much with the Syrians over the years. We had great respect for their education and knowledge. People flooded to Damascus to learn Arabic and the Quran. What has changed? Nothing; they are just closer to us now.There is no question that the people of Istanbul have been very generous in donating clothing and food to the Syrians. But they need more than food and goods. They need acceptance. They need a welcoming embrace. I received a letter from a friend yesterday. She says:"I am gravely concerned that in Turkey no incentive is being offered to Syrian doctors and university graduates to encourage them stay. They do not have the opportunity to work or the life that they had once dreamed of. You have opened the doors to your country to us. We are infinitely grateful. But please let us in further. Give us a reason to stay and be valued. Western governments are eager to take the youth, the educated. But there is no Islam in Europe. In Turkey it is difficult to get residency, more difficult to get work permission. And we have to deal with a society that does not accept us. We receive aid from the good Turkish people, but there are many who merely insult and humiliate us."We want a normal life. We don't want to live as immigrants forever. Europe is providing this for a few select people; life has become so desperate for us that everyone is trying to get there, by sea, by land, to try and be one of the few."Many of us prefer to stay in Turkey because we want to protect our religious beliefs and those of our children. We are not here because we want handouts; we want a life where we can live according to our values and beliefs, and Turkey is the best place for us."Many of the people who are leaving are those who want handouts. Those who are staying want to contribute to the country, they want to make a difference. Please allow us to do so. Please, when you see us, do not assume that we are enemies of the state, that we are beggars, that we are thieves. We are university graduates, professionals, teachers, mothers, fathers… just like you. The only difference is that we cannot stay in the country we called home. We have been driven out; we fled for our lives. Our government wants to oppress us, to kill us, to take away any freedom we have. We want to be accepted here. Please let us belong."It is a sad state of affairs when taking a small boat out onto the dangerous sea is preferable to staying in Turkey.Both perspectives of Istanbul are a matter of details. The Turks are one of the most hospitable people in the world. Their hospitality is something they pride themselves on. But hospitality becomes a burden if the recipients' perspective is not taken into account. If we want six year old Europeans to be comfortable in our city, if we want mothers with pushchairs to find getting around easy, if we want to make travel possible for the physically disabled, we must see the city from their perspective. And if we want to make our Syrian friends feel at home, we need to help them to work, to relocate, to learn the language and to join in society.I have every faith in the hospitality of Istanbul. I just want to remind Istanbul that sometimes it overlooks the details.